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Around your average VFW Post, they say that getting “napalm”-ed is probably the worst way to go, whenever the topic of this diabolical chemical compound comes up.  Essentially, you get this hyper-burning stuff on you, and there’s not a thing you can do about it.  Water won’t put it out.  Fervent prayer will occupy your mind only so long, but the napalm doesn’t care one iota.  It’s still there, happily burning away.  That’s what they say, anyway.  I can’t vouch for it from first-hand experience, but if you’ve ever heard of the stuff, you’ll in all likelihood agree that napalm is probably not a whole lot of fun.

Moments ago, I got “napalm”-ed with this questionnaire on a bombing run originating from this base of operations.  Luckily for me, there’s a way to get un-napalm-ed (I’m just making up all kinds of words right now, I know).  In short, my ticket out of this painful situation is to answer the following 11 questions, and in turn posit 11 of my own to you.  More clinically, here is the malady, and also the remedy:

The Napalm

A. You must post the rules.
B. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
C. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
D. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

This is what I got “hit” with (including my answers in italics):

1.  If you could have any institution, building, thing, named after you, what would it be and why?

One of the less-populated islands in the South Pacific somewhere would bear my name.  This is because I plan to spend enough of my last years sailing that area that I will likely fall overboard and wash up there anyway.

2.  What is the most annoying commercial in the history of the world?

The “Where’s the Beef?” lady will haunt me into my twilight years.

3.  What modern convienience could you most do without?

Take all the Nooks, e-Readers and other electronic page-turners and I wouldn’t bat an eye.

4.  If you were reincarnated, what would you come back as?

I would come back as a Doberman called “Scipio”.

5.  What do you most often judge people for?

Unfortunately, I judge people most on the basis of who they think they are.  I can’t help but hone in on differences between what they say and do.

6.  If there were no negative consequences, what horrible crime would you commit?

Vice a single unmentionable act, I’d probably run the full gamut of things associated with a mob-boss: a little extortion here, some money-laundering there, that sort of thing.  I’d be vilified by their sum-total.

7.  What would your stripper name be?

This one’s easy: I’d be “Major Day”.

8.  What do you want other people to know about you?

 I think everyone should be aware that the completion of a highly-successful career, I am going to slip out the side-door a full 24 hours before the retirement ceremony.

9.  How will you survive the Kardashian virus, or has it already taken hold in your soul?

I’m sorry, the what?  My usual coping-mechanism showcases the “huh?” reflex.

10. What is your favorite childhood game?

By far, my favorite was “number-war”.  This is not the card-game, but rather a mix between hide-n-go-seek and capture-the-flag.  We tied cardboard pieces to our heads like a bookie’s cap, and ran around in the woods “killing” each other by calling out one another’s number as it was written on the cardboard piece.

11.  What is the meaning of life?

The meaning of life is the headlong rush to death.  There’s no two ways about that one.  How appropriate that this question is left for last.

The Cure

The last thing I must do on the path to full recovery is to shovel this new questionnaire off on eleven of you hapless victims.  So, without further ado…

1.  How close does what you’re doing in life match up with what you as a kid thought you’d be doing?

2.  Forester or Carrera?

3.  What is the most valuable piece of advice you’ve ever received?

4.  Where have you been but would insist everyone else steer clear of, and why?

5.  Your tv show was interrupted by news that a nuclear-tipped ICBM is going to pay a visit to a city nearest you in 10 minutes.  What burning conversation do you need to have right now, and with whom?

6.  What was the most meaningful present you have ever received?

7.  In your esteem, who is the most historically under-represented person ever, and conversely, the most overinflated person?

8.  Have you had a “one that got away” in your life, and does he or she know it?

9.  Do you have a plan, or are you “winging it”?

10.  What is the best thing someone could say to you right now?

11.  Let’s assume I just asked you the question you wanted to hear.  What did you answer?